at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
