if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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