I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
