ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
