i think my tv is drunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
