The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Alive.
So much puke
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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