So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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