He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
