I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
