Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
