i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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