So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
