I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
