Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize