oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
