An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
