There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
