highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize