I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize