I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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