apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
