"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
