yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude. I can hear the air.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
