I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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