So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize