my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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