Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
