this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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