i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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