My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
