Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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