i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
