I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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