You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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