You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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