I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
