My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
