just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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