Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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