Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
