I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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