no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
