his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
