This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
