i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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