Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's not a walk of shame if you run
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
