Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
