Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
