hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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