don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
