Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
