i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
