I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
