I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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