you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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