I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
