I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
