ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
