It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
