bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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