I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
