I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
