he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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